It was REALLY SCARY ~

i woke up around 3am this morning because there was something in my stomach that was killing me..it was deadly painful..it was like someone was stabbing me w/ a sharp object! i couldn't even move myself since for any movements i made, the pain was just getting worse and worse! idk, what to do..the phone was somewhere in my room..and it was dark! i was pretty sure, if i even screamed for help, no one would listen to me..then, all the pics of me dead were popping up in my head, just like those shown in the tv! DUDE, it was really scary! at that time, i felt like i was not ready to die! i have yet been a good servant to my Lord, a good son to my parents, a supporting dude to all my buddies, a good student to my teachers, and etc...i remembered i almost broke into tears..but then, i realized i wasn't supposed to behave like that..if it was my time to die, i'll be dead no matter what..so, a pic of my late Grandfather came across my mind..my late grandpa used to remind me that whenever i feel that i was about to die, i have to utter "kalimah syahadah!" and i did what he told me..and am not  pretty sure,  yet it was almost 2 hours till the pain was finally gone! and you know what, that 2 hours was the longest waiting time i have ever had in my life..every single second, i was asking God to forgive all my sins..

yet, Thank to God, am still alive now! and am very thankful for giving me another chance to live my life! and am pretty sure, the time when i will not be given another opportunity is getting closer! and i promise myself, i don't want to waste my life anymore..i want to be the best Servant to my LORD, the best son to my parents, the best buddy to my friends, and the best person in my society..and since i'm still living now, i am asking forgiveness to those that i have hurt intentionally/unintentionally.. and of course, i already forgave all your bad deeds to me! and i want to live my life happily! ;)

if today was our last day ~ SOME TIPS

..we (i) are always worried bout our future, till we forget the importance of our present! are we happy w/ our current lives? let me share, how i live my everyday life?

1) i'd make sure i wake up as early as possible..as a saying goes, an early bird earns more than others..

2) i'd spend bout 5 mins, reflecting for  things i had been doing on the previous day? pelik kan? typically, people do that before they got to sleep..but, it doesn't matter..it's either you do it or not is more important..

3) then, i'd take another 10 mins, to plan my today's activities..normally, i do it in my mind..i'll try to do it as detailed as possible..what should i do in the morning? where'd i have my lunch? should i go to gym or not?? 

4) next, i'd take appx. 2 mins (very short) to motivate myself..i'd create my own mission..YES, it is daily mission..if i could achieve the mission, i'd consider my day as a successful day.. ;)

5) last but not least, i'd spend another 5 mins, to think all rewards that God has granted to me..and i'd remind myself, if today was my last day, what'd i do so that i won't be regret when i am dead..

6) then, proceed to prepare myself before going to the LAB!  YES, i normally take lots of time doing thought process in bed! LOL..

*i dare you try these steps..insha Allah, u'd find ur day much more productive & effective!*

Words to SHARE!

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances, you just have to live life to the fullest. Tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend, angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

* i took this paragraph from one of my friends' blog, whom by any chance found this from other sources..well, whatever! whoever owns this, please let me know so i could give you some credit! BTW, it's a nicely written tho*  ;)

It was NO PRESSURE!

~5 weeks to GO~ 

~ my research project is getting more and more interesting ~i start to love this so-called network analysis..but, am still far to be good in this field..too many new terms for me..yet, it thrills me!

~ i am so lucky that my Professor is very understanding, so far..she gives me lots of time to understand this topic, knowing that i am very new [that's why she never put too much expectation on me]..but, being my nature, i don't really like people looking down on me..so, am pushing myself a bit harder so that i could prove them i am better than what they are expecting~ there comes all the pressure & stress ~ ;D

~ Dear God, tolong permudahkan urusanku di dunia & di akhirat ~ please make my path easier..if not, please make me stronger so that i could go thru all the challenges designed for me ~ Ameenn... 

 

*HAVE A WONDEFUL DAY, BUDDY*

 

My Views ~

Anger ~

my sistas used to complain bout my lack of anger sense.. they keep reminding me that as the only son, i need to show my "manly" attitude! whenever people hurt them or even my mom, i need to stand up & defend them..instead, what i have done so far, i never stood up for them, and always than never i kept my mouth shut..

but sistas, here is my reason for behaving such:

..i don't like to be in any "wasteful" arguments..i don't like to speak my mind w/ those "low" people...i don't want to waste my time dealing w/ "LOSERS!" ...that's y, i chose to remain silent and kept myself out of those situations..but, it doesn't mean i can easily forgive and forget them for what they had been doing..it's not that i keep my grudge on them tho..it's just me reminding myself that these people are less worthy to be nice for..nevertheless, i would respect them as human beings, but nothing more than that..that's how i deal w/ these people w/o having to get myself angry! ;)

Of Principle & Truth:

i am used to know that they are many people who choose to remain firm in their principles of life..when they believe in one thing, it's very hard for them to change it..well, that's good..but, what if your principles seem to be wrong? would you mind to change it?

 ~well, of my principles, many has said that i have none..keep changing my views..at one time, i believe in one..but later, i switch to another..then, i'll change it over and over again..thus, for them, i am not a principled man..and here is my response:

 

~ YES..i cannot stick to one for long time..but, it's not true  either that i am a "flip-flop" in my views of life.. it's not that i am "aimless!" it's just me cannot settle for one thing if i could find much better options..in a nutshell, am looking not for principles, but am searching for truths..i don't mind to be labeled as "katak," as to stay on the right path! MY MOTIVATION is to keep searching for TRUTH! ;)

iPad

i know iPad is not much better of combining four iPhone..instead, iPhone 4 offers much much more features than iPad..but, am still looking to find an e-book reader...i have been doing some researches, and there are two that captures my eyes: iPad & Kindle DX...am still considering the pros and cons of these options..i do really appreciate if one can enlighten me on this matter ;P

It's WC, Dude!

some try/pretend to be rational by reminding people not to insult others' teams..DUDE, it's WC! it's the only time to cheer for our favorite team, and thrash out those we "hate!"...when it's over, we will be living, AGAIN, in the same world, w/ respect towards each others...so, pls DON'T SPOIL the mood..it is once in 4 years! ;)

..but, everything has its own limit, right? it's okay to have verbal fight among your buddies, but pls don't go over it..it's okay to provoke others by uploading some "superimposed" photos, yet, everything beyond that is immorally unacceptable!it's okay to exchange vulgar words among your colleagues, but don't take it seriously!..i know some might dissent w/ my points! but, DUDE, it's WC!

so, for me, the bottom line is, one should enjoy this WC as much as possible..try to distant yourself from being so emotionally touched by some provoking statements made by your friends since they are not actually looking to hurt you, but they are just enjoying the games..join the crowd, and you will feel a sense of belonging..after all, WC, is the only place where all of us are shouting/looking to shout one same word, "GOALLLLLLLLLLLLL!" 

*anyway, Germany trashed England w/ 3 goals margin...so, the Englishmen, you can try again in the next WC! daaaa~ ;D

Reminiscing Our Days of Yore!

..i just had a dinner w/ my buddies..tho, i was a bit stuffed when they asked me out, i just can't refuse the invitation..i knew, somehow, we could end up not just having  dinner but a great & nice discussion..so, i decided to feed my stomach more than "she" could actually afford..

so, after the dinner, we talked about what each of us had been doing for the whole week..mine, i talked bout my research, while they shared about their summer classes..yeah, it was cool..i barely met them during the weekdays since we are living quite far..well, it's not that far, about 20 mins walking (normal walking pace)..but, everybody is busy w/ their schedule..what could you expect, anyway, for your summer classes, instead of tight schedules and abundant of tests? 

..well, after had been "chased" out from the restaurant (i don't understand why they have to close their restaurant so early), we moved to our "usual" place to hang out..i knew already, when each of us has started talking, it would take at least 2 hrs to last..and it was true... ;)

..we talked about many issues..and one of them that captured our attention the most was about the death of a RMC student..fyi, he was dead few days of ago..and then, we reminisced our days in boarding schools..one good thing of studying in boarding school is that you have lots of stories to share w/..and it was funny to know that each of us (tho coming from different schools) had almost similar experiences..and it was even funnier that we could vividly remember all the "black" tragedies happened to us during those days..i, myself, had my own version of stories..and they had their own...and we ended up laughing to each others..it was cool to remember how "stupid" or "noob" we were during that "jahiliah" time..but, at the end, we admitted that we were having a good time back then, w/ less problems and ultimate happiness! 

..but, unlike bad times, the good one will always last..w/o even realizing it, i had graduated from my high school about 5 years ago (half decade)..and now, am on my way to finish my undergrad studies (insha Allah)..time flies very fast.. :D

One Day OFF!

..last week was such a hectic week for me..i got no time to care anything more than my research work..tbh, the research problems (mostly the hardware part) are yet to be fixed..and i have a meeting on Monday, as to report the progress of my research..and i surely know i would be "killed" during the meeting..so, i'd prepare myself mentally and "physically!" ..need to maintain my coolness! i guess, that's the pressure that i have to take when i'm working w/ experienced people, while i just barely knew the topic for the last few months..yet, am happy to be criticized..i guess it should be a good learning experience for me as of now, and for my future! 

..anway, i declare Saturday as my HOLIDAY! so, NO research talk for TODAY! :) i want to enjoy this day doing things that i really love to, such as reading, blogging, twittering, "movie-ing", "tennis-ing", and etc..wish u guys a very good weekend! till then, adios amigos! ;D

Day 5: Recap

..a bit tiring & not really productive..been in the lab for about 6 hrs..expected longer than that, but cannot resist the temptation of weekends..so, ended up playing tennis + watching movie: Toy Story 3..

..i missed a friend of mine, who passed away few years ago..all of a sudden, all the memories that we had together came up to my mind..he passed away, at the time, i was barely knowing the meaning of "perjuangan!" and honestly, i was sad when he left me..but God loves him more than i did..we shared our own dreams..if it was not about "our dreams", i won't be as "gigih" as i am now..i would rather enjoy my teenage life..but, since it was "amanah," i have to make sure, by hook or by crook, i have to accomplish those dreams..i made promise to him..so, there is no way i can break it..but, my friend, if you were able to read this, i am telling you that i am so tired..sometimes, i feel like to give up on this struggle..as days pass on, the pressure keeps mounting...so, pls give sometime...i promise i will make those dreams come true..just hold your faith on me! anyway, Al-Fatihah to you...May Allah placed you among the good ones! :)

..if you were with me now, i am sure i could be even stronger! :)

What If ~

when i was reading my friends' blogs, something came across my mind..i was thinking how much times i could save if i don't:

1) check my FB account for a day (twitter is fine, since i read news from there) - time saved: 2 hrs

2) walk/be in a state of "thoughtless" -time recovered: 2 hrs

3) talk crap things : time saved: 30 mins

4) walk leisurely to class : time saved: 30 mins

5) menyanyi dlm bathroom : time saved : 15 mis

6) menggeliat - time saved: 10 mis

7) others : time saved 1 hr 

Total TIME SAVED:  6hrs 25 mins ..surely if i take these 3 hrs, i could have perfect sleep of 6 hrs everyday..POOR TIME MANAGEMENT! kene restructure balik my time nie! hehehe..

Day 4: In Glance~

..spent 12 hrs working [8am -8pm], w/ 10 mins break for prayers..no lunch for today, AGAIN! [lupa].. :)

..so tired but am happy since i got to run the GRAIL system..WORK, yet to be perfect..the server seems like to have problem to transmit packet to landmarks..but, the landmarks' side seems to be working :)

..now, am looking to learn new tool, tshark~ hopefully, tomorrow's appointment is on! if on, i'll be going to Rutger WinLab..yelah, x tau kene la bertanya kan..sbb my PHD friends in my school are not familiar w/ that tool..lg la ak! hahaha.."carilah ilmu sampai ke negeri China!" tue kan Nabi yg pesan..so, kene ikot la :)

..today's lesson: "work hard, play hard!"

play time: "memorizing GRE words! anyone to play w/ me?"

Sahabat, Kekasih & Teman

Back to Basic!

...in seeking knowledge, there is one basic rule: always ask for more!don't ever settle for one!

...for every single question, there is one basic rule: there will be an answer!it's just a matter finding it now or later..

...of results and efforts: the latter do matter! 

..okay, i won't give up! am pretty sure i will find solution for my research problems...insha Allah..keep working!  :)

Day 3

1 word to describe my day - BAD! 

Day 2 - Wrapping Up!

today was better than yesterday..woke up much earlier, around 6 am..was so motivated this morning tho i just got 3 hrs sleep..by 7.00 am, i already in DD, having my breakfast..it was calm, walking alone at that time..felt so close to God..

..by 8am, i was already doing my reading..got to prepare myself since i had to design my first experiment today..since there was no WC match around this morning, i managed to give my full attention on my reading..2 hrs reading, non-stop..ok, tipu! there was 5 mins break for each 30 mins reading (manusia mana mampu concentrate lebih dr 30 mins kan?) ..by 10.30 am, i was already in the Lab..i need to be punctual since this was my first appointment w/ my PHD friend..then, here the best part of my day: getting to know the GRAIL system for the first time..of course, i was so amazed! idk, how funny my expression was! but, i was sure it was! anyway, i was excited learning this new system till i forgot about my lunch break..okay, if it was not my friend reminded me to take my lunch, i surely skipped that meal..anyway, after the lunch + prayer's break, i started designing my experiment..started w/ mapping the corridor into coordinate system, predefining all essential parameters, and etc..dang, it was already 4.30 pm (managed to finish the experimental design, tho) ~ time to get back!

..by the way, since today's weather was amazingly awesome, neither HOT nor COLD, i decided to play tennis w/ my buddies. dude, it was 2 hrs game, non-stop! so, freakishly superbly AWESOME! felt so GOOD! :p

..there u go..since i was working so hard during the day, i decided to take my leisure time at night, meaning MOVIE + GAME + TWITTERING night! adios amigos! anyway, Thank God, i had such wonderful day today..so do you, guys! after all, "Life is What You Make It!"

"praying for another wonderful day, tmrrw!"

Funny!

*LOL..so, whatever!

What Allah Has Promised Us~

Surah Al-Inshirah [The Expansion (of the chest)]:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

94.1 Have We not expanded for you (O Prophet), your chest?

94.2 And removed from you your burden

94.3 The (burden) that did strain your back?

94.4: And elevated your fame (in the eyes of the people?)

94.5 So, surely with every difficulty, there is a relief:

94.6 Surely, with every difficulty. there is a relief.

94.7 Therefore, when you are free (from your immediate duties), continue your hard work

94.8 And to your Lord, turn (all) your attention. 

Literally, based on my limited understanding, Allah has promised us for every difficulties, there is surely a relief waiting for us..and Allah has never failed to deliver His promise to us..So, why are we so scared to choose path of least resistance tho we surely believe Allah will always help us? and, it's worth to note that, there is one condition for the aids to be granted: only and if only we abide His orders (mentioned in the last verse)..

so, keep on trying regardless of how difficult your task might be.."Never Say Die!"  

Road to A Productive Week ~ Day 1

today was not very good tho..i woke up at 8am (that's good), read a project paper for about 10 pages, before i fell asleep..ok, i wasn't to be blamed since to finish that 10 pages, it took me more than 3 hrs..so, as usual, when i lost my concentration, i would take a nap! NAH, it wasn't a nap, eventually..from just 30 mins, i ended up sleeping for 2 hrs..woke up again at 1.30 pm only because a friend of mine called me..then, i checked my research schedule..DANG, i got a meeting at 2pm! crap, i was in a big trouble..not even prepared for the meeting..usually, before any meeting, i'd make sure i have prepared questions to be asked..this time, it was none..

..i managed to get myself at the meeting room on time..LUCKY! but, i was coming w/ a blank mind, and a blank paper (YES, am so old-fashioned in taking notes)..at the beginning, the meeting was kinda cool, w/ my friends updated the faculties about the progress of their experiments..MINE? not so much progress..i was told to wait till the needed equipments are fixed..so, i got nothing to report..well, i failed to impress them during this meeting..felt so bad! 

..after unsuccessful meeting, i got back myself into my stuffy room..just realized that i haven't taken my lunch yet..it was already 5pm..okay, since there was nothing in my room in which i could "physically" eat, i decided to skip my lunch..ok, la..jimat sikit! then, i browsed thru internet to find some hints about my project since i have to design the experiment by myself..not so much info i found..ok, la..it was already 6 pm..no more research! i am paid only up to 5pm..so, no more works after that time..giler berkira! haha..

..i was planning to play tennis today..but, the weather was not so nice..to HOT! considering that i might be dehydrated if i was to do any outdoor activities, i ended up watching tv series online..

..then, seronok, i realized it was already 9 pm..i promised myself to start studying for my GRE..at least, i have to memorize 20 words per day..so, here i was..dgn hati yg berat, i took my GRE book, which has been untouched for long long time..study, study, and study!

* Xenophobia, Vogue, Allude, Apposite, Stoke, Guffaw, Truncate, Tedious, Redundant, Relegate, Callow,Economical,Accede, Transpire, Petty, Placate, Craven, Generic, Serrated, Pungent, Arable, FIFA*

LOL..the last word i remembered was FIFA, means it is game time! later~ :)

The Declaration of My PRODUCTIVE Week!

now, i accepted the challenge from my friends for so-called my PRODUCTIVE WEEK! here are the challenges:

1) to wake up at the latest 8.00am everyday starting tomorrow..

2) to finish at least a scholar paper a day..so, for the whole week, i should be able to finish 5 papers..since there are about 20 pages for each project, i am expecting to read more or less 100 pages by this friday..

3) to hit the gym at least twice, with each session takes me the minimum of 30 mins..

4) to write two constructive articles for my blog throughout this week..

5) to get a date (okay, this one is impossible! i can't take this challenge) --> GIVING UP! :P

to dudes who challenged me, here i come! i would nail down each of these challenges (except No 5) by this Friday, insha Allah...BRING THE GAME ON! [woah, so motivated]   :D

Al-Fatihah ~ Rest in Peace!

i just got to know that my second cousin was dead yesterday for breast cancer! "From Allah We Come, To HIM Shall We Return!" to all her kids, i wish them to stand all for all this test..yet, am too sad to think that the Late's kids are still small to understand all this! 

--> May her soul be placed among the good one! Amin!

UPSR & PMR to abolish?

i do agree w/ the statement made by our Deputy Prime Minister that our current education system is failing to meet its core purpose : to provide a holistic education to all students..so, the idea of restructuring the system should be good..but, to abolish UPSR & PMR is something that requires thorough study and enough consideration..let's assume if the gov proceeds w/ this idea..what will happen?

1) which students will go to boarding schools?who will determine this? and based on what criteria should they are considered? if it is based on recommendation given by teachers in primary schools, are we sure enough that gifted students would not be keeping aside only because they are teachers' favorite students?

2) PMR is a good tool to give students the idea of their future careers..if they fail in PMR, they would go to vocational schools so that their times would not be wasted learning something for nothing..if there is no PMR, these uninterested students will be sitting two more years (waiting for their SPM) listening to lectures that they are not interested in..so, how are we dealing w/ this issue? of course, we don't want to spend money unwisely, right? 

3) students will have nothing to fear of..so, they would end up playing rather than studying..only when they are about to sit for their SPM, they would realize..i think by that time, it would be rather late to cram all stuffs in one's mind..so, how are we gonna make sure that these kids are motivated through out their learning processes if there is nothing that they could look up..

4) SPM would be broader and more difficult..of course, we want to test students' capabilities and understandings from the very beginning, right?..okay, let's assume, each schools would provide their own sets of exams/tests so to keep their students on track..but, how we want to make sure that those kids in urban are learning the same things as the kids from the rural areas...of course, so to please and impress their principals, the teachers would take the tests for granted.."cincai-cincai sudah la" or "kesian la budak-budak ni" sort of attitudes would prevail! 

5) and the list goes on..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Might-to-Be Solutions of Our Current Faulty Education System

1. Syllabus Should Be Revised:

..anyway, for me, the reason to invalidate the needs of PMR & UPSR is faulty at the first place..it's not their faults that our education systems fails to function perfectly...the idea of having standardized tests is good, but the implementing processes are way to be perfect or good..take for example, my UPSR questions (about a decade ago) are more or less the same as the present sets of questions..the level of questions is not improving so much..so basically, what i was learning back then is similar w/ what kids learn now..the dynamic of learning is nowhere to perfection...i guess, the syllabus should be revised more frequently and the contents must be up-to-date..i think this is one of the problems stem in our education system..tell me, how could the students be excited to learn new things if they surely know that the questions of the exams are predictable and lame..instead of learning/understanding the concept, they would rather memorizing answers for all those "predictable" questions..

2.Teacher's Roles:

..besides, teachers should play their roles more effectively..they should be not be judged on how many A students that they could produce..they, instead, should be encouraged to create a fun learning environment to kids..each school should give the full authority to teachers to set up their ways of teaching, not just blindly follow what is told to them..teachers are important assets to a country..if they fail to deliver their tasks properly, the whole country would be in a big trouble..so, give the teachers their rights, and help them to create a wonderful & joyful learning experiences to kids..

3. New Exam Model:

..the format of these standardized exams should be revised again..i think, it has been there for so many times..for me, it should be nice if we could include any practical test instead of just paper-based..normally, students can easily understand the theories, but when it comes to practical, they might be having some troubles..it is indeed worth to note that there is a huge gap between theory and practical..and the purpose of education is to fill up these gaps so that the student are learning, and not just listening..

..and of course, there are some many ways to improve our education system..and definitely, exam oriented is not the appropriate approach to deal w/..and i want to be clear here, i would support any change that could benefit the people..if it takes to abolish the PMR & UPSR so to improve the system, i would stand behind the decision only and if only, they provide a very thorough planning..hey, it's our kid's future that we put on risk, here! not US! 

When It's 2am, and You Still Cannot Sleep..

..i am always craving for quality sleep..and, i guess, i am not lucky enough to have that..

..buy WHY? 

..honestly, i cannot sleep w/o reading books beforehand..i just can't..if i were to, it would take me at least an hour before i fall asleep, regardless of how tired i was..simply because, my mind would fly all over the world, thinking random stuffs that many of them are not affecting me personally and sometimes they are just garbages..

..and i am bit choosy/fussy when it comes to reading books..any bedtime stories wouldn't work for me..i need something that are damned boring and heavy!..so that, i would easily fall asleep..(here explains the reason why i don't like sleeping at other's room! NOT BECAUSE, am snobbish, but, i just can't sleep!)

..then, usually the reading would be anything from economics, motivational pieces, politics (i like the most), and some techno sort of articles...and most of them are simply hard to understand..

..that's y, i can't stop thinking/understanding those materials even when am sleeping..that's very VERY BAD, dude! '

..well, i guess, there't nothing i could do about that..now, i am trying to live up w/ my BAD sleeping habits! i guess, quality sleep will only happen to me when am dead (hopefully) :)

Saturday's Outing!

i spent my whole Saturday at RedBull Arena (House for New York RedBull Soccer Team) to watch six rugby teams playing to determine their places for this year's Churchill Cup..all these teams were representing their own countries..and as expected, England has won the Cup by defeating the Canadians..France A came third, followed by USA..the fifth place was won by Russians, and the Uruguay team ended up for the last place..anyway, i don't want to talk much bout the games..sometimes, pics speak more than words..enjoy the pics! 

(England Saxons - Fabulous Performance)

(The France A (Blue) vs USA (White) - Tight Game)

(England Saxons (White) vs Canada (Red) - The Cup Final)

(The Russians won for the Bowl - 

Their No 6, Victor, was an AWESOME! player)

(Russia (White) vs Uruguay (Blue) - 

Nice Set Piece from the Russians :D )

(England Saxons, the O2 Guys - They were very AWESOME!)

(The Stevens + Lehigh Guys - 

We were five actually..Another one was missing from this pic [the cameraman] )

Little Things Make You HAPPY :)

sometimes, i am wondering, how could people are getting upset w/ their lives..what do they really want? big mansion? money(monies)? loving family? and etc...and for sure, many of us have at least two or three out of those criteria..still, many of us aren't satisfied and unhappy w/ their lives..keep demanding and asking for more..so, i guess, there's something wrong that many of us have overlooked/neglected for..

..when we talk of possessing big houses, having wonderful job, living in a loving and caring family, we are actually expressing our own dreams..then, here comes certain terms like "Americans dream", "I Have A Dream," and etc..yes, undeniably, it is partly true that we are living today because of our dreams of tomorrow..we are waking up today w/ a picture of us tomorrow..yes, i don't want to argue on this..but, the problem is when we are too involved or excited of achieving all those big dreams, we sometimes forget to admire and celebrate some little things that are happening around us..and because of that, we forget that these small, petty things could actually make us happy..

..for example, you don't need some big accomplishments to cheer you up..some small one could do..let's say, you wake earlier this morning - it's a achievement..you spend more hours reading and working than you are used to - that's a success.. you help people solving an academics question - that's a "BIG" help..and the list goes on..so for me, happiness is all around you..it's just a matter either we are looking for it or not..if we really OPEN OUR EYES, and try to SEE all these LITTLE THINGS, our lives would become much more happier..and believe me, you would feel more motivated to chase for your real BIG dreams! :)

*disclaimer: the content is all from my observation and my own experiences..it works for me..and i take no responsibility if it won't work for any of you :D

Talk Recap : "Balancing Dunya & Din"

alhamdulillah, i just got back from a talk, given by bro Waleed on a topic of "Balancing Din & Dunya." and i managed to take some notes during that almost 2-hour talk..and here the recap:

1) Our Task as Muslims:

He started his talk by making a very strong premise of this topic - the purpose of our creation..He reminded us that we are created not only to worship no other God, but Allah, and to believe firmly that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) is the Messenger of Allah, but also to take part in creating a sound society..He, later, explained on the level of Imaan, in which according to him, there are about more or less seven layers..and the highest one is to believe in Syahadah, while the lowest one is to pick/remove garbage on street..and then, he concluded that there is actually no separation between worshiping God (Din) and creating a sound society (Dunya) by comparing the highest and the lowest level of Imaan..

Remarks: No separation between Dunya & Din..

2) Islam is Indeed A Way of Life:

He then reminded us to take Islam as a whole, and later to make it as our way of life..Islam, according to him, is not constraint to religious rituals, such as Solat, Zakat, and etc..for example, if we were to have problems, we have to resort to Allah by making ourselves closer to Him..and this is simply because Allah is the one and the only that knows the best for us..let's thinking this way..why are we here, studying in United States? why we were chosen instead of other zillions of talented/gifted students? we were not that smart, anyway..the only reason we are here is because Allah wants us to be here..so, whatever happens to us here must come w/ reasons, in which yet we are to discover..

Remarks: Allah knows what fit us the best..so, just ask Him whenever we are lost..

3) Building Strong R/Ship w/ Allah:

if we were able to spend/prepare most of our time for our study, why shouldn't we do the same so to build a strong r/ship w/ Allah..to do so, we have to seek the knowledge of Allah..it's indeed our responsibility to know the DO and the DON'T things in Islam..there is simply no excuse to be ignorant...and to have strong r/ship w/ Allah, we have to embrace Islam as a whole..not by taking some, and leaving the rest..Islam comes as a package..if we were to hold on "custom-made" fatwa, we were no different than Jews..Allah has mentioned this matter in the Holy Koran, which implies as the following (not the actual quote):

"those who take some will have the grace in this dunya, but they will surely get the harshest punishment in the Hereafter:"

Allah has promised this in the Holy Koran..and Allah has never failed to deliver His promise..

Remarks: To embrace Islam as a whole so that we could build a strong r/ship w/ Allah

4) Recharging Our Soul

living in this dunya is indeed very challenging..Shaitaan has always their own agenda to bring us away from the true path..so, to live up w/ all these challenges, we really need a very strong soul..and of course, regardless of how strong we were, we would, at certain time, feel so tired..and therefore, it's our task to recharge our soul..the best way by doing tasbih, tahmid, tahlil, and etc..also, many of us sometimes forget the importance of performing prayers five times a day..these are the times in which our minor sins would be forgiven, and we could again and again purify our souls..but, unfortunately, many of us have taken these solat for granted..most of them are doing the solat because they are told so..not many realize/ or care to know the benefits of doing it..and also, as to purify our souls, we should always repent ourselves..and there is a narration by (i forgot the name) that, "if you committed sins, the angel on your left will wait six hours for your repent." -cool, right? so, always do the istifar, so that Allah will forgive us for our intentional/unintentional mistakes..

Remarks: Purifying our soul is very important, yet many has overlooked it..

Words to Remember: "There is no ultimate tranquility except of thinking that Allah will always be w/ you for your hard or good times. Get close to Allah, and surely Allah will be closer to you" 

What's Lacking in Current Education System ~

it's been a privilege for me to be in two different education systems: Malaysian (British) and American-based..to compare both systems and later to tell which one is better are really not my authority, to begin w/..furthermore, it's very unfair for me to evaluate both systems objectively since the time i spent isn't equally the same..of course, i can see much more weaknesses in the Malaysians system since i had been there for so many years..of course, i can sense many pitfalls in the system, in which i have yet to find in the American-oriented..

..yet, i believe i have my own rights to comment on both..as far as i am concerned, and clearly it is based on my limited observation and insufficient knowledge, both education systems are lacking of one important feature: to properly instill a sense of curiosity among the students..the current system (i mean both) is just preparing their students for job! nothing much than that..for engineering students (in my case), we are told to learn and understand some basic principles, in which then we just have to translate the knowledge onto our BlueBook (exam)..then, to sharpen our knowledge in that particular field, we are encouraged to do research, or internship..yes, as a practical person, i do acknowledge the importance of those stuffs (learning the principles, applying them in exam, expanding them into practical job & research, and etc)..but, it is like everybody is doing the same thing..the path is already there for you to ride on..my experience and my another "unknown" friend's experience has no much difference since we are both taking the same path..and than, the sense of curiosity to learn new things is no longer there..for me, the curiosity only exists when you are learning unexpected things..things, of which very new to you and your surroundings..

..besides, it's very important to keep reminding yourself that for each and every questions in this world, there is always an answer for that..it's just a matter of us trying to search for them...sometimes, the searching process might be longer than expected, sometimes it becomes very easy, and etc..but, it's very important to keep yourself curious and motivated in the process..and only then, the learning process would become much more fun and enjoyable, not yet a tiring and burdensome process..

..but, how to keep your curiosity sparkling? frankly, there is no specific way to foster the attitude..it's all coming from your own mindset..yet, for me, it's a very simple..always keep yourself in "hunger" mode, and whenever there was a difficulty coming in your way to search for knowledge, you have to convince yourself that, there is a "success" waiting for you at the end of the suffering..so, curiosity + trust is the best combination to rejuvenate and prosper our learning process..i quote a saying from my twitter friend, " It's not hard once you find the right teacher.Need to install the knowledge first,then we can do hikmah.Always be a student!" and for me, the interesting part of this saying is always the bold one...to be successful, you must always be a student.. keep learning, buddy! :)

Tolerance is ESSENTIAL in any r/ship ~

..tolerance is a vital quality needed to deal w/ realities of differences and conflict..oh, tell me, in which world that people are all the same from their attitudes, opinions, and etc..if there was a place like that, i bet you that there would no life over there..but, why? simply because the life over there would be dull, plain, and monotonous! yes, there might be no conflict, but life is all about solving and learning from mistakes, right? if there was no conflict, tell me then, where would the lesson come from? as mentioned by Peter Buffett in his book, "Life Is What You Make It," diversity is the spice of life! Then, our ability to embrace gracefully diversity makes our own lives much much richer and better!

..but, is it true so to be tolerant, one should give up her principle of life, her values, and etc?YES, this might be a valid argument used by group of  prejudiced people to back up their stands of being biased and judgmental towards their society..but, in reality, tolerance is not about giving up your values, or cores! it's about to accept the differences between yourself and others..so, it's more to celebrate the diversity, while at the same time cherishing one's own values and principles..just imagine, how many friends you might lose if you become prejudiced  to people of different sexual orientation, political leanings, and etc..it's clear YOU MIGHT LOSE MANY POSSIBLE FRIENDS..or in other words, you just shrink your life into smaller and poorer..believe me, living w/ people who are almost similar to you, who share the same views of life would make your life dull and less interesting..and of course, the learning process would be very very limited!

..so, let's celebrate the DIVERSITY among us..God creates us differently so that we know each other! yes, GOD really knows what is the best for us! :)

"Deserve" has its own MERIT!

am just wondering how easily people use the word, DESERVE! for centuries, they have taken this word for granted..yet, most of them have never bothered/cared to at least know its definition..linguistically, deserve is derived from Old French, and it has been widely used in English since the last seven centuries (about 13th Century)..its actual definition is: "To Merit, to be Qualified for, or have a Claim to.....because of ONE'S ACTS or QUALITIES" see, many have overlooked intentionally/unintentionally the last part of the definition..

.."i deserve this as it is" - this is a typical response from some typical men..

"i have this rights" - yes, they tend to shield themselves by simply manipulating the words RIGHTS..hey, the word never stand alone..it always comes w/ RESPONSIBILITY..if you are really fighting for your rights, you should perform your responsibility first! only then, you can talk about your this and that rights!

..and because deserving never exist by chances/circumstances, i could simply say that we, the people, are simply undeserving anything in this world..if you are the son of a big business tycoon, for example, it's not a lifetime license for you to become a great person..everybody was born equally, regardless of their various background..whatever happens to you since that has nothing to do w/ your environments/circumstances..you deserve something in your life because of what you are doing, not anything else..PERIOD..

-referring to some comments mentioned in "Life: Is What You Make It" by Peter Buffett

Snippets!

World Cup Fever:

many of my girl friends were annoyed when i spam their FB pages w/ WC stuffs...but, that's the WC fever, right? those who never like soccer before, like my sista, are enjoying the sensation of WC! join the crowd, like they are used to say..here, i declare my full support for Germany! Brazil and Spain are just for noobs! LOL, anyone disagree on this?

Summer Camp 10':

am hoping that the summer camp 10' will be held at any cost..well, this is a way for we, the overseas students, to give back to our society by inspiring those local high school students..keep the attitude, and ignore what people might say on our way to educate those students..iA, to all new committee members, your tireless efforts will  be blessed by God.. :)

Summer Camp 09':

i wish all of you guys (the participants) the best of luck! keep up the hard work, and maintain your focus on SPM..put aside all other problems till you're done w/ the exam..iA, if i am back to m'sia this summer, i will find my time to meet some of you guys! haha [wondering, how many of you are still remembering me?]

Research Updates:

new project assigned..new reading due..new excitement begins!

on Overseas Scholarship:

the number of undergrad students, sending overseas will be reduced gradually - this is just the planning, yet to be done soon...yet, many have shown their disagreement on this! me? well, principally, i agree..i will discuss this issue in details later on! anyway, i just discussed this issue w/ some of my friends..very insightful discussion indeed..hoping to hear more opinions before i can bring forward this matter to the knowledge of the respective party! :)

Malaysian Foods:

am i missing the m'sian foods? NOT! lol, am joking..frankly, am deadly missing all of them..nasi lemak, roti canai, sambal tumis, salted fish (ikan masin), and etc...

Words to Remember!

it's true that God will always be among those, who are patient..

but, it's humane for each of us to have his/her own limit of being patient..

so, in whatever you do, don't try to push oneself off his/her own limit..

remember, life is too short to hurt one another...

love and cheer them while they are here..

when they leave, no tears will do any good..

do use own brain, not just listening to your heart..

cause you will be responsible for everything you do,

and May Allah bless all of us!   :)

Meeting OUTCOME!

when this post was written, i just got back from a conference in WinLab, Rutgers! was so tired, still highly motivated to post something in this blog..

..okay, the meeting was attended by 9 people: 5 from Stevens (including me), and 4 from Rutgers itself..the meeting was conducted as to outline few things in regards to our research projects..yes, am not alone doing this research, that's the bright side! but, from another perspective, to fail this project is no longer an option since it involves a collaboration between Stevens and Rutgers Uni..well, i could say they are actually sort of big projects..the amount of money spent is not gonna be disclosed here..but, it is PLENTY!

..okay to begin with, it was my first trip to Rutgers Uni since i've been here about 2 years ago..well, it's not a very long journey, anyway..it took me like one and half hours! but, going together w/ my other two mates (Chris and Jie) just made the trip even shorter..all right, we didn't have much interesting stuffs to talk about - no WC, no  Movie talks, and etc..the only thing that we talked was about the prospect of the projects - the basic principle behind them, and so on...well, we are among the people who DON'T HAVE LIFE! ok, whatever..i did enjoy it..LOL

..anyway, the meeting started exactly at 2pm..no later than that..it was begun w/ brief descriptions of the projects that we are about to do..to be honest, i had no idea that there were two projects that we might be working w/..as far as i was concerned, there was only an acoustic based ranging system kind of project..well, that's life...you must always expect the worst! anyway, after some discussion, i was appointed to work on the second project, in which i had no idea at all..insha Allah, i will be working w/ 3 other PHD students, assisted by a professor from Rutgers..but, frankly, this project is much tougher and complicated than the previous one, which i had spent 3 weeks doing some theoretical researches..but, since i am majoring in EE, and have some little background in signal processing, i was chosen to work on this project..LOL, but the project is interesting, to be clear..it is about a speed estimation (an extension of localization system)...well, mathematically, you can derive speed from distance function, right? so, that's the basic idea of this project..the prospect is very promising..imagine, if we can implement this system into our mobile phone (any COTS will do), we don't need any other hardwares like GPS to monitor our car speed, for example..and the project that am working on is a pure software solution based..so, basically, you can just download an apps in your iphone, for instance, and let the system works by itself..pretty cool, huh???

anyway, the meeting ended up around 4.30 pm..and i have one experiment to do in 2-week time..after the meeting, we decided to hang out at Simon's house (another guy from Stevens)..yeah, after got some cigarettes, we were heading back to Stevens...a tiring but an enjoyable time at WinLab, Rutgers..anyway, we might have frequent conference thru out this summer, perhaps once in 2-week time [okay, i am now reconsidering my reason to go back to Malaysia this August..seems like the project cannot be done in 2 month-time..moreover, the only reason, used to be very important, i am coming back is no longer my priority..now, need to talk w/ my parents..still can get full reimbursement if i cancel the ticket in this time around..:D ] 

Happy Birthday, Adilah!

To Dila, Happy Birthday to YOU! have a good summer break in M'sia! i hope all your wishes come true! finger crossed! :D

(Sunset in ClearWater Beach, Tampa)

p/s: i know i don't have any special gift for your birthday..but, i remember  you once said that you are in love w/ sunset scenery..and here you go! a not very nice pic taken by my not-so-expensive camera! LOL, the weather was not that nice when the pic was taken, anyway! 

Last-Minute Reading!

am preparing for my research conference tomorrow..well, last minute preparation has never been helpful at all..just notice too much things to digest..Gosh, need some miracle tomorrow! : p

(LOL, no matter how busy i were, tweeting will always come first!)

*The pics was taken w/ phone camera..pls excuse their bad qualities! 

The Power of Laugh!

[ok this time, the article would be in Malay.."Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa!" lol..whateva..]

pelik dan ajaib kan bila tgk org gelak time tgh sibuk berbincang benda serious.. tp percayalah, itu bukan gelak kosong..itu gelak menahan kesakitan dalam diri si penggelak..kdg2 niat penggelak tue baik, untuk tidak mengeruhkan keadaan..tp, bg yg kene gelak, itu satu penghinaan..tp,x pe lah..setiap orang ader pandangan dan persepsi masing2..kalau semua sama, x seronok la hidup ni kan? apa2 pon, manusia itu unik! we are totally different from one another..that's what makes each of us special..

When Living in the World Full of Expectations ~

i found myself to be living in others' world for many years..i had been trying my very best to meet others' expectations, in which later i regret doing them since some of them didn't make me happy! but, that's the price i've to pay, living in this world..but, it has never been too late for me to find my life once more, and start building it from the scratch!

..but to point all the troubles to others doesn't make this world a better place! at least, we have to do our own way to start redefining the purpose of our lives..okay, for me, it's very simple..sometimes, it's okay to live up w/ others' expectations, meaning that, for the least, we know our own goal..but, to get surviving in this "expectation" world, one should really know him/herself very well - what his/her capabilities, up to what point, he/she could push him/herself, and etc..and then, if he/she knows for his/her best knowledge that the expectations are too high, in which by any means he/she cannot meet them sooner or later, he/she should take another step by redefining the expectations..the redefining process would take lots of time, but, for sure, it is a worth-time taking!  redefining is a process of which one learns in thorough way the premise of the expectations, and start to make his/her own premise..[well, i think my explanation just make the process worse]

..okay, let's take one example..my mama is used to hope that one day i could end up being a valedictorian for my class! it's a big hope, ain't it? and for sure, based on my current academic standing, i couldn't make her wish comes real..that i know pretty sure..but, to let my mama's down is something i would try my very best to avoid..and again, the problem is i don't really know what she meant by being the best student of my class..what was her real expectation of me?..it took me sometime to think about it..it was not a split second thought-process..indeed, i took more than one semester to understand the basic expectation, lying under the word valedictorian, mentioned by mama..

..to keep short, i finally understood that mama has always known me for being a competitive son..a son, in which later she told me, that never easily giving up! and then, i knew the expectation put by mama on me was not her real expectation..it was indeed an expectation of me, based on her thorough observation on me..but later i told her that i did appreciate her knowledge on me..yet, am the one who knows myself for the best..so, with a humble acknowledgement, i did tell her that i couldn't make to her expectations..but, i offered to her my own expectation - to be the best son to her! and as far as am concerned, she's very happier w/ my decision! 

..and again, my oldest sista used to remind me of how important i am in her life..she really wants me to be w/ her in her big days..and one of them is her wedding day..and as far i am concerned, i cannot make to her wedding since am in school by the time the reception is held..insha Allah, it will be on Feb, next year...but, i know from my mama that my sista is very disappointed on me...but, this is something out of my control..that's the price i have to pay, being far away from my family..yet again, i tried to understand the premise of my sista's expectation..then, after some heart-to-heart conversations w/ her, i know that she's actually worried w/ the prospect of getting married..and always than never, she needs me whenever she feels worried..so, i offer her my own version of her expectation - i will be a good listener to her whenever she feels like to talk about her marriage, and i promise i would be the best listener that she has ever met! then, the problem solved..no one is hurt! 

well, i know i solved all the expectations by giving up my commitment to do this and that..and believe me, am more than happy to keep all those promises up, since they make me happy and good about myself.. :)

Places which I wish I would GO!

(Istanbul)

(Tokyo)

(Dubai)

and the list goes on!but, before i leave this WORLD, i really want to be in these places! :)

I Hope You Dance!

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder 
You get your fill to eat 
But always keep that hunger 
May you never take one single breath for granted 
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed 
I hope you still feel small 
When you stand by the ocean 
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
I hope you dance 
I hope you dance 

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance 
Never settle for the path of least resistance 
Living might mean taking chances 
But they're worth taking 
Lovin' might be a mistake 
But it's worth making 
Don't let some hell bent heart 
Leave you bitter 
When you come close to selling out 
Reconsider 
Give the heavens above 
More than just a passing glance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
I hope you dance 
(Time is a real and constant motion always) 
I hope you dance 
(Rolling us along) 
I hope you dance 
(Tell me who) 
I hope you dance 
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 
(Where those years have gone) 

I hope you still feel small 
When you stand by the ocean 
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
Dance 
I hope you dance 
I hope you dance 
(Time is a real and constant motion always) 
I hope you dance 
(Rolling us along) 
I hope you dance 
(Tell me who) 
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 
I hope you dance 
(Where those years have gone) 

(Tell me who) 
I hope you dance 
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 
(Where those years have gone) 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw - click to watch the video!