Sunday, June 13, 2010

When Living in the World Full of Expectations ~

i found myself to be living in others' world for many years..i had been trying my very best to meet others' expectations, in which later i regret doing them since some of them didn't make me happy! but, that's the price i've to pay, living in this world..but, it has never been too late for me to find my life once more, and start building it from the scratch!

..but to point all the troubles to others doesn't make this world a better place! at least, we have to do our own way to start redefining the purpose of our lives..okay, for me, it's very simple..sometimes, it's okay to live up w/ others' expectations, meaning that, for the least, we know our own goal..but, to get surviving in this "expectation" world, one should really know him/herself very well - what his/her capabilities, up to what point, he/she could push him/herself, and etc..and then, if he/she knows for his/her best knowledge that the expectations are too high, in which by any means he/she cannot meet them sooner or later, he/she should take another step by redefining the expectations..the redefining process would take lots of time, but, for sure, it is a worth-time taking!  redefining is a process of which one learns in thorough way the premise of the expectations, and start to make his/her own premise..[well, i think my explanation just make the process worse]

..okay, let's take one mama is used to hope that one day i could end up being a valedictorian for my class! it's a big hope, ain't it? and for sure, based on my current academic standing, i couldn't make her wish comes real..that i know pretty sure..but, to let my mama's down is something i would try my very best to avoid..and again, the problem is i don't really know what she meant by being the best student of my class..what was her real expectation of me? took me sometime to think about was not a split second thought-process..indeed, i took more than one semester to understand the basic expectation, lying under the word valedictorian, mentioned by mama.. keep short, i finally understood that mama has always known me for being a competitive son..a son, in which later she told me, that never easily giving up! and then, i knew the expectation put by mama on me was not her real was indeed an expectation of me, based on her thorough observation on me..but later i told her that i did appreciate her knowledge on me..yet, am the one who knows myself for the, with a humble acknowledgement, i did tell her that i couldn't make to her expectations..but, i offered to her my own expectation - to be the best son to her! and as far as am concerned, she's very happier w/ my decision! 

..and again, my oldest sista used to remind me of how important i am in her life..she really wants me to be w/ her in her big days..and one of them is her wedding day..and as far i am concerned, i cannot make to her wedding since am in school by the time the reception is held..insha Allah, it will be on Feb, next year...but, i know from my mama that my sista is very disappointed on me...but, this is something out of my control..that's the price i have to pay, being far away from my family..yet again, i tried to understand the premise of my sista's expectation..then, after some heart-to-heart conversations w/ her, i know that she's actually worried w/ the prospect of getting married..and always than never, she needs me whenever she feels, i offer her my own version of her expectation - i will be a good listener to her whenever she feels like to talk about her marriage, and i promise i would be the best listener that she has ever met! then, the problem one is hurt! 

well, i know i solved all the expectations by giving up my commitment to do this and that..and believe me, am more than happy to keep all those promises up, since they make me happy and good about myself.. :)

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